


recognition and realization.

by Bounteous



Series: let me lie beneath myself. [6]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Makeup, Recovery, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28624008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounteous/pseuds/Bounteous
Summary: Aslan makes a discovery. Eiji shoves him toward it.(it sounds like the end of this series, but it is not)
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: let me lie beneath myself. [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068368
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	recognition and realization.

**Author's Note:**

> whatever helps.
> 
> you have been strong for so long  
> cry if you need to  
> scream if it helps
> 
> -'a beautiful composition of broken' by r.h. Sin

Eiji’s forehead is pressed in between Aslan’s shoulder blades.

A deep, comforting pressure.

His hands grasp bundles of Aslan’s shirt, wrinkling the white cotton as if it’ll keep him anchored.

They lay together atop their unmade bed; sheets array, the comforter to the floor, dark, tear stains marking the pillowcases. The blinds are hanging by one string. The door is splintered at the frame. The lamp below a scuff on the wall smashed to pieces.

Neither one of them is asleep.

Aslan is sorry he destroyed their room. He doesn’t regret it, however. It felt good. Not a testament to his violent, volatile nature. Just a simple exertion of tightly-wound energy at risk of swallowing him whole.

He’d sobbed like a child afterward.

Two hours of deafening silence later, Eiji came home. And he was too afraid to turn around.

They haven’t spoken yet.

He’d gratefully accepted guilty affection like a starving man.

Maybe they don’t belong together. A destiny of hurt and forgiveness. Is it possible to love too much?

“Those voices in your head are liars, Aslan.” Recognition. Fluctuation. Steady ground. “They make you think bad things. Please do not listen to them. They make you not listen to me.”

Aslan’s hand is cold when he shifts it underneath his cheek.

“I listen to you.”

Eiji’s forehead burrows further into his skin.

“Now you are the liar.”

Blond eyebrows furrow.

“You ask me to read and I do. You ask me to grab ingredients and I do. You ask me to take my shoes off at the door and I do.”

“That is not what I mean.” Lips press into the knots of his spine and speak directly to his heart. “I tell you, ‘you are beautiful’, but you do not listen. You do not believe. Maybe you do not have to believe, but it hurts me when you call me a liar. I have only ever told you the truth. You are beautiful and kind and caring and strong and worth it. You deserve everything I give you. I will not allow you to say no this time.”

“Eiji—” His voice wavers and he tries again. “Eiji, I—”

“I want this to be the last time something like this happens. If you have anything else to get out—crying, screaming, breaking things—I will wait quietly. After this, you are going to listen to me.”

Aslan has never been given a choice like this before.

“Okay,” he says, breathless as if those words knocked all the wind from his lungs in one hefty gust. Perhaps they really had. “I think...I think I want to hug you.”

“Then turn around, baka.”

They hold each other like the other will disappear. A very real fear. 

Aslan wonders if they’ll hold each other like this forever. 

Eiji knows they will. 

Eiji trudged miles to make up for all he lost. And he’d do it again. And again and again and again. Aslan is worth it, dammit. 

_ I am worth it. _

The words feel foreign on his tongue. Worse than learning a new language. He cringes, wanting to spit them back out. He doesn’t. This is for Eiji.

_ No, this is for me.  _

_ Yes, Aslan, for you. _

_ Eiji says I deserve everything. _

_ You do. You deserve the world. The world does not deserve you. _

_ I don’t believe it, yet. _

_ You will. One day, you will. I know it. _

_ I think I know it, too. I want to. _

There’s a lot Aslan has overlooked in his desperate plea to rid Eiji of himself.

Nightmares are few and far between.

Touch rarely revolts him.

The paranoia has ceased to exist.

How did he miss these milestones? They’re things Eiji surely would’ve celebrated, decorated cake and all. 

He blinded himself for so long.

It’s a fact he’s having trouble admitting. That, this time, it really was his own fault. And, it’s not an intrinsically bad thing. Bad yes, for straining their relationship so harshly, but the blame game would be a stupid game if he wasn’t also a player.

Eiji interrupted him before he could apologize. Told him it was unnecessary. Told him they needed no more reason to not move on.

He’s moving forward. This roadblock he’d involuntarily built himself has been torn down. The road looks sunny, he thinks. And green. Very green.

Is that Eiji he sees at the end of it?

**Author's Note:**

> Support my ko-fi if you enjoyed my writing! https://ko-fi.com/bounteous


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